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Are you ready for the complete list of the best, the funniest, the corniest, and the me-wow-est cat jokes ever? Say Hello Kitty! and step into this hilarious world of cats…

 

Cat Joke Video

Have some fun with this fun cat joke video:

 

 

 

Cat Jokes

 

What do you call a cat who steals other cats’ toys?

A purr-petrator

 

Why did the sick cat visit the doctor?

To get a purrr-scription

 

What do you call a cat’s house?

A scratch pad

 

What do you call a person who steals cats?

Cat-napper

 

What do you say when a cat visits you?

Hello kitty!

 

What do you say when a cat leaves the house?

Have a mice day!

 

Finish this sentence: When the cat’s away …

… everyone has peace and quiet

 

What do invisible cats eat?

Evaporated milk

 

Why do cats sit on keyboards?

To watch the mouse

 

What’s a cat in a Toyota called?

A car-pet

 

What do you call twin cats?

Copy-cats

 

What did the cat say after a shopping spree?

Now I’m paw!

 

Why did the cat spend all his money?

He needed some re-tail therapy

 

How does a cat decide what to buy at the store?

He checks the cat-alog

 

What car did the cat just buy?

A red furr-ari

 

What do you call a cat that makes furniture?

An assembly kit

 

What do you call a cat bite?

Catnip

 

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Complete list of cat jokes

 

What does a cat cry out when he gets hurt?

Me-OW!

 

What do you call a cat that wears high heels, perfume and make up?

A glamor-puss who’s feline pretty!

 

Why did the cat get arrested?

For litter-ing!

 

Who arrested the cat for litter-ing?

Claw enforcement

 

What does a mouse say when a cat catches his tail?

That’ll be the end of me!

 

What did the cat say when the mouse got away?

You’ve gotta be kitten me

 

Which cats purr loudest?

Purrrr-sians!

 

What do you call a cat who wins a dog show?

Cat-has-trophy

 

What do you get when you cross a cat with a pillar?

A caterpillar

 

What do you get when you cross a cat with a parrot?

A carrot

 

What do you get when you cross a cat with a ball?

A furball!

 

What do you call a cat that does tricks?

A magic kit

 

What does a cat call a bowl of milk?

A purr-fect drink!

 

What’s white, fluffy and floats in the pool?

A cat-a-meringue

 

What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?

Chocolate mouse with sprinkles

 

What do cats eat at the beach?

Mice-cream cones

 

A goat, a goose and a duck go out for lunch. Who pays?

The goose cause he’s the only one with the bill

 

What has four legs, whiskers, and eats grass?

A lawn meouw-er

 

What do you call a very old cat?

Gran-paw

 

What do you call a cat jumping up and down?

A bob-cat

 

What do you call a cat that lives at the North Pole?

An eski-mew

 

What cat loves to swim?

An octo-puss

 

What do you call a cat nurse?

A first-aid kit

 

What did the cat say to the paper shredder?

Teach me everything you know

 

Have you seen a catfish?

Of course not – how would they hold the fishing rod?

 

What sports do cats play on weekends?

Hairball and Catch

 

Why was the cat scared of the tree?

Because it had a strong bark

 

What do cats do after a fight?

Hiss and make up

 

Why was the cat grumpy all the time?

Because he likes being a sourpuss

 

Why did the cat scratch the couch?

Because he was in a bad mew-d

 

Why is a sleeping cat just like a coin?

Because he curls up into a ball, with his tail on one side and his head on the other

 

What cat drinks vinegar instead of water?

A sourpuss

 

What did the alien say when he saw a cat?

Take me to your litter

 

What do you call a cat that eats too much?

A flabby tabby

 

What is the difference between frogs and cats?

Cats live long with their 9 lives but frogs croak every night

 

What does a cat eat when he wakes up?

Mice krispies

 

What color do cats love?

Purrr-ple

 

Why did the cat sleep under a car?

To wake up oily and start his day

 

What’s a cat’s favorite song?

Three blind mice

 

Did you know that cats are more loving and obedient than dogs?

I’m just kitten around

 

What does a cat like to read?

Meows-papers

 

Why do cats love watching Cats?

It’s their favorite mews-ical!

 

What’s furry, meouws when hungry, and has wings?

A cat. I lied about the wings.

 

What do you call a cat who really can fly?

Im-paws-sible

 

What happened to the cat that swallowed wool?

She had mittens

 

Kitten Jokes

 

Where does a kitten go after losing a tail?

A re-tail store

 

What did the kitten say when another kitten gave her a fright?

Stop freaking meow-t!

 

Kitten: Your new haircut is amazing, Ms. Molly!

Teacher: Cattery will get you nowhere. You’re still writing the test today

 

What scales does a kitten learn in music class?

Do Ray Me-ouw

 

Why do kittens love music class?

Because they’re mew-sical

 

What do you call a teenage kitten’s accessories?

Kit-bags

 

What do kittens wear during the day?

Dia-purrrs

 

What do kittens wear at night?

Paw-jamas

 

Where did the kittens go on their school trip?

To the mew-seum

 

What’s a kitten’s favorite subject?

Hiss-tory

 

What do you call a kitten who’s good at sport?

Cathletic

 

Why do kittens take so long to finish video games?

Because they have 9 lives

 

What has a cat’s whiskers, fur and tail but isn’t a cat?

A kitten

 

Where do kittens go when they get hungry?

To the kit-chen

 

What game do kittens play at birthday parties?

Mews-ical chairs

 

What looks like half a kitten?

It’s other half

 

What do you call kittens lying on top of each other?

A meouw-ntain

 

Cat Knock Knock Jokes

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

I taught

I taught who?

I taught I taw a puddy tat!

 

Knock knock

Grumpy cat: Go away!

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Juan

Juan who?

Juan of these days I’ll come in through the window, but not today!

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Anita

Anita who?

Anita drink of milk so let me in!

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Claws

Claws who?

Claws the door behind you. You don’t live in a barn!

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Cat

Cat who?

Cat me a bird and now I bring you da present!

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Catskills

Catskills who?

Catskills lizards

 

Big Cat Jokes

 

What did the mommy lion teach her cubs?

To only cross the road when they see the zebra crossing

 

What’s the name of that movie where the tiger swims around in the sea and bites people?

Claws

 

What do you get when you cross a panther with a snowman?

Frostbite!

 

When is a lion not a lion?

When he stands up

 

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a leopard?

A spotted sweater

 

What does a lion say when he sees his prey?

Pleased to eat you!

 

What happened to the tiger after eating the comedian?

He felt funny

 

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